It Won't Suck Itself

Give Madge a break!

2009-05-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

Okay... I'm so annoyed with this whole drama surrounding Madonna and her adoption of the Malawian kid.

The kid Mercy has lived in an orphanage since the day she was born. An orphanage in Malawi is... how shall we say this... "not likely to be a nice place". If the conditions of poor orphans in Africa is anything like the condition of poor orphans in India, then this is a certainty.

So, along comes James Kambewa who apparently "wears a necklace with his daughter's name on it" and vows that he can take care of the child, that he wants her to grow up as a Malawian, and does not want this shocking, immoral white woman raising his girl. How heart warming.

He hasn't even seen the child face to face. Four years old and he has never seen the kid. The kid continues to live in this orphanage.

Right. Clap clap clap for the caring father. Boo to the evil white woman. Who cares about the four year old girl living in an orphanage? She doesn't need those trappings of Western civilisation. She doesn't need a soft bed, cuddly toys to play with and a good education. She doesn't need to grow up fit and healthy and have a chance to be whatever she wants to be - an ambassador to Malawi or a doctor or a lawyer or a happy mother.

No! Fie! Fie! She needs to stay in that orphanage. And learn what it is to be Malawian.

Commonality

2009-01-11T01:00:00.001-08:00

Ok. Is it just me? Maybe it is my freaky snobbery. But I hate it when shopgirls or shopboys or waiters or waitresses try to recommend a product to me on the basis that it's their favourite too. I mean hello. Why should it make any difference to me that some total stranger, with nothing in common with me, and who frankly I don't really think I'd like anyway... Why would it make any difference to my purchase decision that they like the same thing? Or maybe they're just taught to say that.

Call me empathetic

2008-12-11T00:25:00.001-08:00

Okay. For those of you who know me, which is admittedly just tequila, I have had this from my work 360• feedback before. That I'm not empathetic enough. Two years ago really. And I have tried to be more caring, more interested, more understanding. So I get the results this week. And my empathy levels are even lower than they were two years ago. So either this survey tool is poked or my actions are totally unproductive. And maybe I am just unempathetic. But also, WTF does empathy mean in a work context??? Obviously I care about my staff development, their careers, their learning. Why am I supposed to care about them as people? And more importantly, why does that have any bearing on my ability to be an effective manager? Yes, yes, I know. People feel more motivated if they feel you love them, for more than just their work. But seriously - why??? Do they not have families and friends to care for them and be all ooh ahhh empathetic? Why project your unmet emotional needs on ME, people? Sigh. That's the end of my vent. Tomorrow I shall start being more of a bleeding heart. Hey! Hi! How are you? Did you sleep well?

Tear tear

2008-11-06T09:46:00.001-08:00

Ok so I watched the Barack Obama videos on YouTube. And it was pretty moving, powerful stuff. But now that I've had my teary eyed moments... I have to wonder... What the heck is he actually planning to DO??? Let's hope he's not wondering the same thing.

An ode.

2008-10-11T23:51:00.001-07:00

There I was
surfing the net coz I was bored.
No friends today,
The rain is fucking raining down
making me think twice about
surviving this sort of weather
next year.

So I start typing in
random names from my past.
And then i think,
I wonder whatever happened to
VINNI.

So I google and NZDC the name knowing what I have been told about
VINNI
But do I care?
NO NO NO.
That is just how I roll,
Asking for punishment.

And i find it,
Just like I thought I would.
Oh well
I will always have the picture.

Sing little birdie

2008-09-21T22:44:00.001-07:00

Okay I just need to have a little vent about shows that do the national talent search and have the obligatory judging panel (one softie, one medium, one harsh-ass) and basically churn through a huge number of auditions at lots of random inbred towns.

What's to vent about, you might ask? It sounds perfect.

Well, I'm actually sick of the little kids who audition. There are always these little ten year olds, eight year olds.... even a six year old... and no matter how crap they are, they get through! Because seriously, even the harsh-ass does not want to tell little six year old Maisie that she's outta here coz she got no talent.

But that does NOT mean she does! She might SUCK! I mean come on people, break the kid's heart now, before someone else breaks it for her.

My primary school singing teacher routinely put in my report "doesn't understand pitch", "needs to try harder", and as time wore on "doesn't seem to concentrate in class".

*shatter*

sheeeeeat!

2008-09-10T15:18:00.001-07:00

Okay so I tried to make this blog all high-brow, intellectual and meaningful, but Tequila dragged us straight back into the gutter... where we belong? Maybe so! But, I am now powerless to halt this descent... so after nearly wetting myself laughing at that Maury video clip, I felt impelled to google it. And, people, you may rest easy, because the show is REAL! Yes, there really is trash like that alive and well on this earth, and earning their rightful place of fame on syndicated TV.

Check out the Wikipedia "summary" of the show... including detailed descriptions of how the themes of the episodes play out... I read the "Who my baby daddy" section and had to stop because laughing so hard at work looks unnatural. Wallow, my fellow piglets, in the filth of human depravity...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maury_(TV_series)

BWAHAHA!

Respect mah authoritah !!!

2008-09-10T02:23:00.000-07:00

So I have always been a fan of trailer trash, the trashier the better. Which is why Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer were like the top of my viewing list all through high school. I came across this clip from The Maury Povich Show, which is a low brow talk show in the US. I watched this clip on replay so many times.....Its like a train wreck that you can't look away from. I really hope this is real. Awesomest of the awesome.

Deep and meaningful

2008-09-07T18:50:00.001-07:00

Over the weekend I watched The Constant Gardener... it's based on a john le carre novel, and I thought it was absolutely excellent. Story of a diplomat's wife who is murdered in africa, and the diplomat starts investigating, finding a complex conspiracy involving big pharmac companies, drug testing on illiterate blacks in poverty...

i BAWLED my eyes out for about half the movie, mainly for the plight of africa... whenever i see movies like that, it makes me despair. that continent is so ravaged... it is such a beautiful place, the land, the flora and fauna, the people are so beautiful, and yet they are torn on every side by war, drought, famine, disease and corruption. Everyone rapes africa. Their own people - dictators, tyrants, tribal wars and corruption all the way through. The western nations - unwilling to write off debt, unwilling to contribute meaningfully. The corporations - pharmacy companies, weapons companies. It is like the people are in an abyss, unable to find a way out.

How is it that atrocities of poverty and war are visited on this continent on such a large scale, but we are unable to find any method or approach that will help? Is it basically that no one can help them unless their own people become educated and rise up and create change? But then, given the state of the nations, how will there ever be enough food, enough water, enough health to enable them to access that next level of the hierarchy of needs? As America spends three trillion dollars on their "war on terror", who is interested in spending on a war on poverty?

One solution I considered - foreign run schools and educational institutions that are not only funded but actually run, staffed, managed by overseas people. Thus eliminating some of the corruption. Make them accountable to the highest bodies like the UN, and subject to strict audits and checks. Feed and educate the children. They are the only people who can agitate for change...

As the western world gets swept up in anxiety over climate change, sustainability and carbon footprints... this movie made me think... how fickle we are, to move from social trend to social trend... as the children in africa keep dying.

So basically, fck global warming... can someone please think about the children!

I am all that you say I am....

2008-08-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

Now I have been called a lot of things in my life....wanker, mangina, tequila, big foot(thanks D). But what happened yesterday was a first on so many levels. Let me set this up for you....This holier than thou christian middle aged man walks onto the surgery and in the course of talking to him he says that he hasn't had a check up in 6 years. So out of a general courtesy I inquire about the reason why. "Well" he says "because all you people are a bunch of Soul Sucking Capitalists."

So here is the thing. You wouldn't walk into a lawyer's office and say shit like that only because you know that they would fuck you up so badly you wouldn't be able to shit for a week. So what makes it ok to walk into my surgery and say crap like that? Don't let this non-Caucasian, eager to please face, fool you fucktard....this one is no pushover. I will cut you down and smile all the while wielding a 5 inch needle. You have been warned!!

Boh-Selecta......

2008-08-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

Damn I hate these organized religions that make you throw your hands in the air like you just don;t care. Someone once took me along to a service like that and it was so weird that I almost shat my pants. Which is why this video made me LOL. ...

You Can Do Eeet....You Can Do Eeet All Night Long.

2008-08-09T01:55:00.000-07:00

You know how when people hang up inspirational pictures at work to try and motivate themselves/workmates? I fucking hate it. Seeing them makes me want to tear the poster down and force the person to eat it. But as I have a reputation to uphold I usually just smile and make a placatory noise/comment. Well I discovered these anti-motivational posters and am loving them. Why can't people put these up instead? At least then I can have a laugh and won't think bad thoughts about people who put up lame posters. And I found a perfect poster which really just is made for our blog.... For more awesomeness that is DeMotivational posters, follow the link.... http://www.blog.joelx.com/de-motivational-posters/730/

Happy Birthday To Us

2008-07-31T12:19:00.001-07:00

Another year another birthday for greenstamps & tequila. Have we gotten wiser? Hell no. But possibly better looking and funnier. Well, maybe not that either. What I definitely don't want to do is reflect on the year that's been and come up with some pansy statements about what I've learned. Seriously, what losers do that. I nearly gag when people tell me stuff like that... I mean yawnorama. If you learnt so much why do you have to reflect at the end of the year to figure it out. Pah. It's called awareness people.

Aaj mera Janam din hai.

2008-07-31T02:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me! Supposedly today I should feel special and be thankful for the 28 years that I have been alive and healthy. But it feels like any other goddamn day. I woke up, brushed my teeth, went to work. Worked, drove home and had dinner. Oh just to make it special I bought a slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Shop. Whoop-dee-fucking--doo.

I used to love birthdays when I was younger. But as I get older, I find that it really just is another day. I always wondered my aunts and parents never made a big fuss on their birthday but now I can sort of understand. You have other things to think about like the frigging mortgage and bills. Sigh. and so I end this day sitting on the computer after treating myself to a slice of cheesecake, knowing that i have to work tomorrow and as well as Saturday. Many Happy returns of the day!!

Monogamy is the way to go......

2008-06-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

...just put your lips together and Blow. All this filthy talk is just in response to a quasi interesting slight porno-ish movie I saw last night. "Southland Tales" is the name of the film and was made by the same guy who made 'Donnie Darko" which happens to be one of my favorite movies ever. So going into this movie I was more than aware of all the bad press this movie received from the first disastrous screening in Cannes in 2006. And followed by the fan boys generally poor reviews on the movie forums, I was hoping against hope that this would not be the unmitigated disaster it threatened to be.

Well you know what? This was nowhere near as bad as it was made out to be. More like an entertaining, deep as a puddle, hot mess of a film that slapped me around and called me a bitch type of movie. Oh and did I mention that Sarah Michelle Gellar played a porn star called Krysta Now and that she is smokin' hot as usual. No? Now I did.

So how can I review this movie? Well I can't. If you liked/halfway understood 'Donnie Darko', then I suppose you will enjoy this film. Justin Timberlake, for once, did not want to make me punch him in the face and Seann William Scott was actually kinda good with his whole riff on the 'stifler' character. All in all a perfect movie to watch on a cold rainy Sunday afternoon in sodding Brisbane.
Oh and this is a song from the movie sung by Buffy herself. It is kinda self explanatory. heh.

Iron Man....

2008-05-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

Iron man, does whatever an Iron can???? Hmmmm wrong superhero. As you can probably guess, I watched Iron Man today. Now this is a strange movie. On the one hand it has Robert Downey Jr. in one of the coolest roles ever. And Gwyneth Paltrow for once did not make me want to force feed her some sandwiches. Yet....there was something missing. I can't seem to put my finger on it exactly. You know when you watch a movie and everything just works and then you walk out feeling sated? No..? Well it happens to me especially after watching Donnie Darko or A.I.

Could it be because there is not much action in this movie? No I don't think so. I mean, look Superman Returns had the bare minimum of action scenes and I really liked that movie. No, until I watch this movie again on DVD, and reassess it, it cannot enter Rohan's Pantheon of Great Movies.

Get your Hands off the Girl......

2008-04-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

...can't you see that she belongs to me. Alright, this Weezer song always and I mean always, picks me up on a bad day. It is probably in my top 5 rock songs of all time. Though is Weezer considered rock or pop? Sometimes Weezer kinda shits me off but their last album really struck a chord with me. Anyway "Perfect Situation" is just awesome. I think I must have played this song every day for a month when it first came out and also it was my very first iTunes download EVER! Congratulations Weezer...you get Rohan's inaugural Video of the Week. Oh also how hot is Elsiha Cuthbert.

Is you is or Is you isn't my Baby?

2008-04-20T23:24:00.001-07:00

Sometime ago my friend and I suspected that a couple of our acquaintances were hooking up on the down low. Now when the lady in question was asked directly about it she denied it to high heaven. But we were convinced that she was lying. They had this chemistry that some people just do and some people would kill for (hello tomkat). You know when you see married couples that look out for each other and have that strange comfortableness(sic) in each others company. Well these guys had all the tell tale signs and look, good for them. But admit it and just move on you know. Anyway..

....meeting up with the male in this sordid equation a while ago, i casually asked about the female. To which he said that he doesn't keep in contact with her anymore. OMG could it be that there was a lovers tiff ???? The point of this whole story is that if I had better skillz i would have found out more about the whole situation by asking the right questions. But seeing as I have no skills to speak off I will have to make a best guess as to what happened.

And as I have an overactive imagination, trust that I can come up with the sickest scenario ever. Fo' Sho' . Why am I posting this? Coz I is procrastinating. Job interview tomorrow and not looking forward to it. So instead of thinking about the possible questions I will be asked, I prefer to post useless missives on Blogspot. Righteous!!

Forgetting Mila Kunis

2008-04-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

Now I always looked at Mila Kunis as, well, that average girl on 'That 70s Show. Then on the weekend i watched 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' and whoa...Mila is smokin'. Seriouskly the scene where you first meet her at the hotel, I was wondering who this hottie was and then it clicked..thats the average looking girl from 'That 70s Show'. I mean compare the before and after pictures

Anyway the movie was awesome. I haven't laughed like that in a while. If you liked Superbad and The 40 Year Old Virgin then you will love this movie. I rated it higher than Knocked up which I really didn't find that appealing.

Play That Funky Music White Boy

2008-04-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

I was sent this link to a blog by a..."friend" and I have to say I am addicted. Goddamn it. This is hands down the funniest thing I have read in forever. The weird thing is I actually know "white people" who are like this. Which I suppose makes this blog more like social satire? Enjoy... http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

Eyes are the window to the soul

2008-02-06T20:11:00.000-08:00

Ok so i went to an optometrist in wellington. he was fiji indian and seemed gay. i knew i was in trouble from the word go. i tried to explain i had a pain in my eye from getting smacked about a month ago. he basically prescribed glasses for me. I tried to explain that the pain was completely unconnected to any activity involving SEEING. so i only get it in the middle of the night or early in the morning. But he shook his head. "I don't know exactly what it's cause is... but wear your glasses for two months and then we'll see".

you gotta HATE the Indians. They never admit when they just don't know.

Then the little miss tried to get me to choose frames and buy the glasses... so I basically said i didn't have time but i'd come back. She continued to explain how metal frames are in vogue now... "Do i look like i need fashion advice from you, Ms Navy Blue Uniform???". Whatever trevor. So I paid my sixty bucks, promised to return and fled. They'll never see me again. Hahah punnage.

R.I.P

2008-01-27T19:58:00.001-08:00

well. heath ledger is dead. it is actually quite scary - he was the same age as a lot of my friends! it's so bizarre how celebrities seem somehow outside of the normal ageing process... like they inhabit some parallel dimension.

But yes, he is dead, and of course all the conspiracies will start being theorised shortly. Plus the smart money is that it's going to make the Dark Knight a total blockbuster! I was amazed actually at how many people commented on his death... I hadn't realised he was such a celebrity!

In other news, Sir Ed Hillary passed away quite recently too. That's not quite as sad, seeing as he lived til a pretty old age - but it did make me pause and reflect. Probably just on the fact that it's still a loss for us.

Shaadi.com

2008-01-20T04:11:00.000-08:00

It happened...like I knew it would. In the middle of a seemingly innocuous conversation, the parentals dropped the bomb "when are you getting married" or words to that effect. As usual I blew my stack. And was in a pretty piss poor mood for the whole weekend. Until I realized that it kinda was a fair enough question and I am sure that they don't mean anything by it.

I hoped they would realize that after seeing quite a few of my friends marriages not work out that they would think rationally. But no. Oh well. It is like this friends of mine who is a successful dentist and her parents are constantly harassing her to get married and also for the groom to be the same caste as they are. I mean what the fuck??? Getting married is not the be all and end all of life.

That said though, if there are any rich ladkis out there between the ages of 22 - 27 drop me a comment. I am a SNAG who likes long walks on the beach and poetry at dusk. ...................OK OK so i lie. I don't like walking anywhere and really don't give a fuck about anybody but myself. But if that lights your ring.........I'm available.

I'll be Bach....

2008-01-14T13:40:00.000-08:00

I just saw the preview for The Sarah Connor Chronicles and I am in turmoil. It looks amazing and Lena Headley looks awesome as Sarah Connors. But......how are they gonna drag this series on over 3 or 4 seasons? Sometimes a TV series is reallly really good but just cannot be dragged on forever, ya know what i mean? Hello "Lost". Nevertheless when this comes to 7 in '08 I am gonna be watching this show keenly.

Killing (my feet) softly

2008-01-10T14:45:00.001-08:00

Okay why is it that new shoes always hurt? Like I buy a pair of nice new trainers - try them on in the store, they're the right size, feel comfy enough when i walk around in them, and the price is right.... so I think yay! Then I take them for their first long walk around the block and OUCH. So... my question is, how come I can buy a new tshirt or new pair of pants and they don't need breaking in, but shoes always do? Or is this a girl thing? Like does this happen to boys as well? Do they go through a week of 'breaking in' their trainers and work shoes before they get comfortable? Because it strikes me that this is a grand conspiracy and I want to see the shoe industry TAKEN DOWN for it. Yeah.

B.Y.O. Bomb

2007-12-28T04:40:00.001-08:00

When will all this violence end? I am so sick of all this Bullshit going on in the world today. I just heard today that Benazir Bhutto was assassinated. And then another roadside bomb in Iraq killed another few soldiers. Has this world gone mad? I read this article in The Onion and it just...well it says exactly what i want to say except more eloquently. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28151

Outta my Head

2007-12-28T03:53:00.000-08:00

I know that Ashlee Simpson is hated by most bloggers out there, but I have always found her music to be annoyingly catchy. And her new single is my pick for "Rohan's Song of the Week". How awesome is this song? Kinda like 80's New Wave mixed with classic New Order. Ay ya ya ya YA. This woman can do no wrong.

Merry Christmas and all that jazz

2007-12-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

Okay Okay peeps it is truly time to suck up some holiday spirit and be in the mood for christmas. And no, i do not mean in the same way that I did last weekend by inhaling far too many baileys on the rocks at that wonderful establishment known as Mo's. What i do mean is that this christmas has just felt far too blah and i am ready to be feeling some holiday CHEER! what i am not ready for is the incessant nauseating CAROLS. i hate snoopy's christmas. i hate you better not shout. i hate i saw mummy kissing santa claus. did you see him boning her biatch? and finally, i SUPER SUPER HATE the spanish one that i can't spell but sounds like 'felicenavida'. EYUCK. don't wish me a merry christmas. just don't. happy holidays y'all.

Thank you, Come again.

2007-12-19T04:21:00.000-08:00

Okay I don't know whether to laugh at the cleverness of this or shudder at the racist overtones it espouses. ..meh....I will do neither and merely observe.

Case of the Ex......whatcha gonna do?

2007-12-17T22:17:00.000-08:00

Having a 4 minute shower like I'm supposed to, yesterday, I suddenly realized that I had no Clearasil left. So I just grabbed the exfoliator sample that was lying around and used that instead. That day at work, all the girls kept commenting that i looked different and more alive and refreshed. At first I thought i was in one of those candid camera shows but then I realized that it was actually the bloody exfoliatior that I had used. Funny how only the girls noticed it. I actually did not see any difference at all. So all this time I have to assume that i have looked like shit and only now have allowed my inner beauty to shine out? Screw that. I cannot be arsed spending 30 more seconds in the shower to look beautiful. I will remain, UGLY. Brisbane needs it water.

Wish you would step off from that ledge my friend

2007-12-08T15:22:00.000-08:00

I think i just came........wow. This movie looks ...wow. Even though it has the Manakin himself in it. Though it could end up being a total turd. Damn trailers always make me eager and then the movie is usually a big let down. Don't disappoint me manakin. oh and it looks like it also has that Billy Elliot kid in there. so it should be good huh?

I Fall to Pieces....

2007-11-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

..each time i see you again. I fall to pieces, how can i be just your friend? I fall to pieces each time someone speaks your name. I fall to pieces, time only adds to the pain.

It is NOT okay to just be friends. It really is not.

I just called / to say / I love you

2007-11-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Monday morning, asleep, after a big Sunday. The home phone rings. I decide to let it ring coz no one except for the fucking telemarketers know my home number. Then a couple of minutes later my mobile starts ringing. I decide to answer it as it could be work asking me to come in for an emergency patient. So i pick up and then this person goes " Hello is this the Dr. R who looks after xxxx nursing home. Coz i am phoning up to let you know that my mother is at this nursing home and wants a new pair of dentures" ...and then her phone drops out.....

Meanwhile i am so confused as i am still half asleep and wondering how in the hell did she get my number? I have always thought that doctors and dentists who have an unlisted phone number were wankers but after this incident i totally understand it. I realize that her mother was in urgent need of dentures but bitch please. How rude is it to phone someone at home and ask them about things like this. Wouldn't it be more professional and polite to actually speak to the nurse in charge or even the practice manager rather than me? and at home too? Fuck. I am getting angrier the more i fucking think about it.

Honesty - The best policy?

2007-11-22T22:47:00.000-08:00

I hate the fact that honesty never pays...for me anyway. I was at an interview for a super cool job that would have suited me well. Close to home and good working conditions. And what do I do but go and fuck it up by telling the interviewer about my future aspirations which don't really suit the super cool job. Now i could have lied and the job would have been mine coz lets face it, i was the best qualified.

But for some strange reason i decided that i should tell the truth. I am so bummed out that i just feel like playing loud music even louder and ...yet it still doesn't take away the pain. Adding to the misery is the fact that I have now got to start planning for my big move next year and I am in such a foul mood.

And you know i have even started playing competitive tennis just so my C.V. will not be a lie. I enjoy it but still. Screw this honesty crap. Next time I am gonna stick to the twisted half truths, pointed omissions and flat out lies to get what I want. Truth is for pussies.

Cokehive

2007-11-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

So there is this video floating around of Amy Winehouse performing at a show in Zürich or somewhere in eastern Europe and..well all is not quite as it should be. Her manager later said that she had a cold. hmmmmm that is a great idea. How come no one has ever thought of that before. Why keep tissues in your pocket when storing them in your fake hair would be so much easier? Britney are you listening....... That said though tissues don't just disappear up your nose. I think "tissues" are another word for something that starts with a "C" and ends with a "oke". Amy is like the worst secret drug user ever.

hey habibi !!!

2007-11-12T15:56:00.000-08:00

I hate hate hate the song 'hey there Delilah'. And the fucking radio stations love playing that crap about 10 times a day. Whenever it comes on i just switch the channel. But this latest parody is Hi-larious. dammit i love a heartfelt Arab love song. mwahahahah remember "Didi" from way back when????

Political Animal

2007-11-01T20:16:00.001-07:00

I have to say... I hate work politics. It is just pants! (that's a new expression I've learned :))

I hate the fact that you need to develop friends in high places to ensure that if things start looking shaky, they can stick up for you.

I also hate how there are always a couple of influential people who, if you give them one bad impression, they can scuttle your chances.

I hate it when people talk about respecting diversity in the workplace, but all they mean is that they don't mind people who LOOK different, but not if they THINK different.

And I really hate it when you can't just confront issues squarely but have to find politically savvy ways of handling things.

Ergh.

What would NPH do?

2007-10-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

It is here folks...the sequel to my favouritest comedy starring minorities is here. Harold and Kumar 2. Now the trailer looks funny but i have been burnt before by good trailers and shit movies...too many to mention. I hope this one lives up to the hype coz baby, I'm hyped!

Will you marry me...?

2007-10-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

So there is this Indian matrimonial site called shaadi.com, which is actually a cool place to cruise to check out the lonely heart Indians out in the big wide world. Which you normally do when you are bored or desperate. Anyway here is a selection of the awesomeness of this site. These are copied directly from the site without any change in grammar or spelling. Be careful, you may end up talking in bad grammar for a while after reading these posts..... - Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Sowmya ~*~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (What Homework?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........ hold my hand forever !!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION 3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik h ai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome") ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! someone put this person out of their misery..pleeese) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily . i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... (but credit cards not accepted..???) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service. (Zebra..???)

Do it all Night..!!!

2007-10-18T00:53:00.000-07:00

So i had to go to the city today to attend a professional development seminar. Seeing as how parking in Brisbane city is fricking expensive i caught the train. Well at the station counter, the ticket seller happened to be a family friend that i hadn't seen in a while. Now bear in mind that there are people waiting in line behind me and all of whom will no doubt be listening to the following conversation.....

Me: hey...Whats been happening? I haven't seen you in ages.
Family Friend: hey you bugger, where the hell have you been?
Me: Oh you know. just working .....
FF: so where are you off today..?
Me: Oh, I'm going to the city today to do a course....
FF: I hope its INTERCOURSE, mate
Me: .......what?!!??!! ........

I mean OH MY FRIGGING GAWD. first of all i am not your mate, mate. Also there are people waiting in line who are people i work with and lastly...HELLO IMMATURE!

Proust !!

2007-10-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

I love how sometimes you end up having the best nights when you don't actually plan for it. Like yesterday we went along to the Brisneyland Oktoberfest. We were supposed to just have a bit of a wander around maybe buy a bratwurst roll with sauerkraut and possibly have a beer. But it ended up with us getting completely plastered, singing 60's rock n roll songs and doing the Birdy dance on the dance floor. Followed by chatting to random people in the tents and trying to lick spilled beer off the tables.

The highlight was at the end though, when everyone was trying to do a breathalyser test to see who could drive. All my fat seemed to have soaked up all the alcohol as i only managed to blow 0.056 while this other chick blew 0.212 to a huge round of applause. When she blew that amount the machine told her "at this level you are advised to avoid any vehicle as you will cause death'. Of course everyone pissed themselves laughing. The police standing near the gates didn't seem that impressed. BOO HISS. The people on the train kept giving us strange looks but that was probably because we were discussing how fucked the hospital system is....not exactly a typical late night drunken train conversation.

Today however i realized why i haven't got plastered in almost 4 years. Ugh. My clothes smell of beer and i have a ton of housework and gardening to do. I hope that after dinner tonight no one wants to go out drinking again coz i will have to be a piker and pike out.

Storm in a Teacup

2007-10-11T14:01:00.001-07:00

Okay... how freaky is this? I went to visit Tequila in the city that is in a drought and has had no rain in months... And every night I was there, we had a thunderstorm. Seriously people. Crazy. Same thing happened last time Rosita was there, and the same thing happened the time before when Rosita & I were there together. Forget raindances, you just need one of us visiting.

In other news... how awesome was the Marilyn Manson concert? Although the crowd abusing the opening band was even better. What can you expect when you a sing a song called 'My parents don't understand me so I'm going to my room to cut myself'. Watching the goth freak was great though - and of course all the other freaks in the audience. If only I could own a black zip up straitjacket with purple fishnet sleeves and heavy chains. Mmmmm.

But no-one is as freaky as Bindibob with her dead-dead-eyes, plasticky face and crazed smile. YIKES!

You're Beautiful......

2007-10-11T04:22:00.000-07:00

...but only when i have been drinking for 4 hours straight and have been mixing my medication. Also i happen to think that James Blunt needs to be strapped to an electric chair and be made to listen to this song on loop every hour for 6 months. Coz thats how long i have had to put up with this miserable piece of pop music being played on all the commercial stations. It may have happened 2 years ago but it will never be forgotten. This year, "Hey there Delilah" by The Plain White T's is destined to be the 'You're Beautiful' of the summer.

And then there is genius like this on youtube that is also as annoyingly catchy as the above songs but actually way more easy on the ears....

Cry me a river

2007-10-01T14:01:00.001-07:00

Okay I have to blog about Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I was watching that show last night and it is seriously of the devil. I mean, once you start watching it, you cannot stop. It is a tear jerker extraordinaire... and even when you can just see the manipulation, you still can't help getting a little choked up. Damnit, damn my emo traits.

Last night it was this family where the little girl has cancer (sniff) and she's only six (sob) and she has to live at the hospital with her mom (moan) because their family lives in a single trailer (arghh) so she's separated from her twin sister (ahhhhhh) and her big brother and sister (ohhhh) and her daddy (wahhhhh) and they all miss each other SO MUCH (bawwwwlll).

So the team basically built them a two level massive house which was like SO spectacular it made me wish i were disadvantaged and could get a nice house. And the design team sniffled and sobbed all the way through the show. And there were meaningful sequences like the little girl with cancer playing in the yard, and getting tired, and then saying at bed time 'only 3 days before i go home'... or when she said 'i want to stay on earth because i don't know what it's like up in heaven'. OH SWOON IN ANGUISH.

seriously. i teared up. at the end. when they were all hugging and crying over the cool new house. emo and out.

2007-09-28T14:57:00.000-07:00

Saccharine Pukeworthy

2007-09-27T18:22:00.001-07:00

Ahhh... sweet stories, touching stories, stories with morals of kindness and love, tales of poor boys who've turned into doctors, of young love parted but never lost, of little girls warning against drunk drivers, of hard work overcoming all the odds.

EEEEYUCCCHHHKKK!!!

Does anyone feel the aversion that I do to stories such as these? What is it in my nature that makes me so hard hearted? But there is something in stories that have been written to tug so deliberately at heart strings, embellished with details of extraordinary hardship, blossom like beauty and noble courage, to ensure that you don't just see the deeper meaning... but that it is bludgeoned into your poor eyeballs as they cringe towards the back of your head.

The real Fight Club

2007-09-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

This is the either the funniest or scariest thing i have read in the past few days. These guys really need to get a clue..maybe spending a couple of days in prison with the biggest meanest MOFO in the block would sort them out. http://www.newsbiscuit.com/article/essex-criminals-slam-rubbish-dog-fight-212

I hate..

2007-09-26T14:15:00.001-07:00

...people who can't pronounce words properly, and who can't spell good.

I mean hello... the word is LIBRARY, and you cannot pronounce it "lib-a-ry" and expect to be taken seriously as a human being. There are two 'r's not one. Deal with it.

And as for words like "thought" and "what" - there is no reason to spell it "thot", "wot" or worst of all - "thort". What the hell is "thort"?? There isn't even an 'r' in the original word.

Oh and final pet peeve... people who don't realise that the word in the phrase "I would have..." is 'have' not 'of'. Who wud of thort idiots lik tat r aloud 2 livz???

Say my name ..say my name

2007-09-24T04:08:00.000-07:00

Who is this ghetto thug i hear you ask. Wonder no more people...Imagine my shock when i find out this is the legendary Darkchild of "darkchild na na" fame. What happened to the obese gangsta is that he apparently has had his stomach stapled and now looks like this. Boo Hiss.....As of right now i am boycotting this loser.

GADGET-LUST!

2007-09-13T17:58:00.001-07:00

oh my gosh... okay i want, i want i WANT! i have just been looking at the new ipods and people, they are cool looking.

http://store.apple.com/0800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/nzstore?noji=YES&family=iPodtouch&AOSID=p202&CID=AOS-AP-NZ-GOOGLE-AOSAC0000065504

i know they are exactly like the iphone, without the phone functionality - but the thing is, i never wanted the phone functionality. by all accounts it was expensive and let's face it, i'm cheap! but the ipod.... mmmmmm YUM!

oh and the other gadget that i am slightly lusting after is the LG Shine cellphone... it's got this mirrored finish which is actually its screen and and and... okay it just looks sexy too!

http://au.lge.com/products/model/detail/mobilephone_3g__ku970.jhtml

sadly it has not got brilliant reviews from cnet. But since i am basically about form not function, who cares???

The end is nigh......

2007-09-12T01:55:00.000-07:00

Emos have discovered spray paint.

Mean Kitty

2007-09-08T16:52:00.001-07:00

Kill pussycat kill kill! Ohhh i found this kitty video on youtube and seriously it is SO FLIPPIN cute. thought i'd share. hope this doesn't ruin my goth-credibiltayy!

Blast from the Past

2007-09-08T05:21:00.000-07:00

okay it is tragic but i have become a stalker....on Facebook. I decided to check to see if any of my friends from my childhood were on Facebook and so changed networks and followed links to track them down and see whats the dealio with them. And i am shocked/amazed/nauseous with the results. I realize that i have changed a lot(bieger arse getting bieger) since then but i assumed that no one else would. Looking at the pictures i was disgusted at how age ruins everything. I think i am glad that even though i got bigger i haven't turned into a gangsta looking thug with ugly facial hair..(not pointing fingers or anything). shit.

So yeah i have been tracking down kids who went to school with me and there are heaps of them on Facebook. The question now is do i contact them and add them to friends or be a shy bitch and do nothing. Decisions Decisions. As Capt.Haddock so memorably said "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles!"

Death becomes Her

2007-09-08T04:29:00.000-07:00

So i was on a weekend away this past weekend and was chatting to some buddies from my University days when we got to talking about people we knew in university. I was talking about this girl i knew and then the conversation took a turn for the worse.
Me: so....i wonder what happened to *****..?
Friend: ..yeah you know she died in a car accident in Auckland last year right?...

Now i am not usually the emotional type but that just came out of left field. Since then i have just been feeling so ...helpless(?). I want to do something but i don't know what. I hate this feeling. Obviously i can't do anything but i don't know how to deal with this news. And i don't really want to talk about it with anyone but at the same time i don't want to hold it in. AARGGH. I wish i had that "mind eraser" thingeewatsit from the "Men in Black" movies so i could wipe out unwanted memories.

I thought I'd be intellectual and post this...

2007-09-03T19:04:00.001-07:00

George Gray

I have studied many times

The marble which was chiseled for me—

A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

But my life.

For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;

Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail

And catch the winds of destiny

Wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,

But life without meaning is the torture

Of restlessness and vague desire—

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

Edgar Lee Masters

A weekend of awakenings

2007-08-31T22:58:00.000-07:00

Fuck Fuckity Fuck. This happens almost every month. I hear about someone from my past and am bombarded by their glorious achievements and end up feeling down about the little i have achieved since graduation. This nasty habit of mine has to stop. It only ends up making me feel like shit. So I realize that the only way to change the situation is to actually work hard and also strive for great achievements, which is just way too much to do. A better solution? - the other overambitious fuckers from University need to slow the fuck down. Whats wrong with being contented with where you are in life? eh gandus?

On a related note there are a disturbingly large number of people out there who just piss me off. I don't think i am a particularly persnickety individual so its obviously the other persons problem. So to the few people who i genuinely like...CHEERS...and don't annoy me or else.

P.S. to all the wannabe 'Bros' out there....you're not black. Deal with it.

An Ode to Friends

2007-08-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

A friend in need is a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better,
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather,

A friend in need is a friend indeed,
A friend who'll tease is better ,
Our thoughts compressed,
Which makes us blessed,
And makes for stormy weather.

Cruising youtube like you do i came across this kinda cool song by a chick from a MTV show. Its called "Body Language" by Heidi Montag and i know all the music critics are thrashing it but i Like it. Its got a banging beat and is currently being used to annoy my neighbours at 7 in the morning. Check it out.....

Brisbane - not just for bogans.......

2007-08-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

...also welcomes fuckwits, dipshits, douchebags and sleazoids. Why are there so many of the above in Brisbane? and they all come out to play whenever i venture outdoors. Sometimes eugenics does seem reasonable.
On another note Ricki Lee is kicking some ass at the moment. The hot beatch has released a new single and it is totally growing on me. I always thought she would do well from Australian Idol and she continues to amaze. I know the song sounds like a generic pop song and she can't dance for nuts but Bitch is bringin' it....

The beautiful meatball

2007-08-06T23:13:00.001-07:00

Okay peeps I am like SEW excited... well, excited, but in a cool, non-committal, gothish way. Why? Beeecoz Tequila and I are going to (goth rock drum roll) the Marilyn Manson concert!!! Oh yes, it is super exciting. I cannot wait. Except I now need to decide what to wear, which is just sweet agony. You know, so many people seem to think I'm nuts for going, and people also don't seem to appreciate my need to fit in with the other goth freaks by wearing the right outfit, but I don't care. Because I am a wannabe and I am proud.

In related news, I found a store called Miss Demeanour which will basically make to measure any sort of gothie outfit you like... leather dress, leather skirt, velvet cape... I am in heaven. Now I just need to lose 5 kilos so I can make a dress that will seem suitable svelte. Yum.

No Man is an Island.....

2007-08-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

...but Bombay IS!!!!!! For ages now i have been trying to explain to certain people that Bombay is indeed an island but they have been shooting me down. So using my fully sick interneting skills i have managed to track down on Wikipedia, proof positive that Yes Virginia, It is an island. For those in any doubt behold, cut and pasted direct from Wikipedia..... Mumbai (Marathi: मुंबई Muṃbaī, IPA: /'mumbəi/ , formerly known as Bombay, is the capital of the state of Maharashtra, the most populous city of India, and by some measures the most populous city in the world with an estimated population of about 18 million (as of 2006).[1] Mumbai is located on Salsette Island, off the west coast of Maharashtra.

If that doesn't prove it you can eat my shorts. So now no more of this bullshit and just pay me my $100. Don't you know you should never argue with someone who has actually lived in Bombay for 14 frigging years? Bitch Please.

Heard it through the Grapevine?

2007-08-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Okay peeps listen up. When i get comfortable around you i may open up with some ideas and opinions that i do not normally express. The mere fact that you hear these ideas in the first place is that i kinda trust you. So imagine my disappointment and annoyance when i hear that you have been "discussing" my opinions with someone you(and more importantly) I barely know. Yeah i suppose it is fine for superficial information to be talked about when discussing people but serious shit should stay the fuck away. To say i was peeved last night would be an understatement and today i feel even more...peeved. But seeing as the only person who is getting angry is me i guess i should just swallow my pride(?) and get on with life.

a little joke to end this angry rant on a happy note.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

Happy Birthday Handsome.

2007-07-30T04:16:00.000-07:00

Huzzah for 'tis my birthday. well really tomorrow but i really don't feel like celebrating. I used to enjoy Birthdays but now i just don't care either way. Fuck, is this what becoming older feels like? Then i will have to take a pass coz Garcon, this just ain't what i ordered. Where is the fun and excitement and anticipation that used to accompany these days? huh? Sitting here typing this at 9 pm listening to the "Chumscrubber" soundtrack it has become blindingly obvious what i should buy myself on this "happy" occasion. A $75 baggie.

So what if isn't good? neither is KFC but hell they still manage to make a profit you know. And yes it can't really be compared but whatever. This is my blog so suck on that sucka. yeah i know, real clever. Anyway thats enough depression spewed out for one night. I have to start listening to some happy music.....i wonder if the new Young Divas Cd is on sale?

Baaaaaaa

2007-07-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

i know i shouldn't be making fun of kiwis but this was bloody funny.

State of Fear

2007-07-18T02:50:00.000-07:00

In the U.K. a Muslim Doctor gave his second cousin his mobile phone's SIM card as he was leaving the country and still had unused credit on it. He had a new job in the Gold Coast Hospital and was leaving for there in 3 days. 2 years later the Australian Police arrest him and treat him like Osama Bin Laden's chief henchman. Why???? because that same SIM card was used by the dumb ass bombers in Scotland recently. The Police ransack his house and leak information to the media and then pretend to have no idea where the media are getting this information. AND after holding him without charge for 12 days they charge him with , wait for it, "Reckless use of a SIM card". The judge allows the doctor on bail cause she doesn't believe he is a threat to the public. 3 hours later the Immigration minister revokes his Work visa because according to him the Muslim doctor fails the necessary character test. This comes after the judge himself says that according to the character tests even he would fail the test. So in the meantime the "terror suspect" is kept in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day until his trial starts for the "reckless use of a SIM card". http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/news/national/i-would-fail-character-test-judge/2007/07/18/1184559862270.html This rubbish is really pissing me off big time. The fucking police and the dickwit Prime minister are trying to create public panic and are trying to get the public to endorse new laws which enable the government to spy on the citizens without their knowledge and without getting a warrant. This article in The Register sort of explains it in detail. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/06/29/more_fear_biscuits_please/

Help mommy, my claws hurt!

2007-07-05T19:48:00.001-07:00

OMG this is so funny I can't stop laughing.... it's seriously insane. I have no words. None that can make it funnier. Just read it and weep people.

Crustacean case first for SPCA

A joint prosecution by Auckland SPCA and the Environmental Health Department of Auckland City Council has sent a clear anti cruelty message to restaurant owners Auckland-wide.

On 12th June 2007 at the Auckland District Court, David Li, formerly the manager of the Imperial Sichuan Restaurant in Parnell, Auckland pleaded guilty to two charges under the Animal Welfare Act 1999 and three charges laid by Auckland City Council.

Mr Li was found to have thirty-nine crayfish in a tank that was approximately twenty times more toxic than normal and was subsequently causing the death of these crustaceans that were being sold to the patrons of the restaurant.

SPCA Inspectors instructed Mr Li to rectify the situation but he failed to do so and charges were brought against him. Mr Li was fined a total of $5,230 in relation to all the charges with $2,090 to be paid to Auckland SPCA in fines and reparations.

Inspector Victoria Border who led the investigation said, "This is a test case for the SPCA and has sent a clear message that the Auckland SPCA will not tolerate cruelty to animals in any form".

Transform this bee-otch.

2007-06-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

holy mother of god. I watched 'Transformers' last night and it didn't suck. Amazing effects and they were like totally realistic. I am not a huge fan of Michael Bay movies, actually i have actively disliked all of his previous movies but i love this one. and the part where the transformer jumps up and turns into a jet....enough to make you climax.

Are you Superbad?

2007-06-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

i have a thing for raunchy comedy coz lately all this PG 13 bullshit is driving me fucking insane. I know with a lower rating you can get more people to see your movie so it makes more money. But please sometimes i want bad language and nudity and i am willing to pay $14.80 to see it. I just saw the trailer for this movie that is on my must watch list for the year. Best line: "I am McLovin"

coolness!

2007-06-25T23:08:00.001-07:00

Okay peeps... I've been talking about this for ages... i might even have blogged about it. i want a system that allows me to add stuff to a shopping list wherever i am, then access it when i'm at the supermarket so i don't forget everything... and i just found a web applet that does it... it's called remember the milk.... i'm gonna try it out right now!!!

GAWD i am a GEEK!

Desi Please.

2007-06-23T02:12:00.000-07:00

gawd i love trawling through youtube when I'm down in the dumps. There is always something to amuse and entertain. And seeing how it is pouring down with rain outside and i am freezing my ass off, what better time to connect with being desi??

Ice Ice Baby

2007-06-20T01:26:00.000-07:00

Brisbane has been freezing lately and i have been freezing my nuts off. This sort of weather is the sort i would expect in New Zealand which is why i left. Also my neighbor has decided to raise his house so now my views from my back deck are gonna begone. Sonuvabitch dickhead asshole. This cold weather is making me cold and cranky. oh and this news story in The BrisbaneTimes is ..ummm....well read it and find out.....

Stab victim 'continued masturbating' Christine Kellett | June 20, 2007 - 11:44AM A Brisbane woman stabbed a male friend twice in the shower after he refused to stop masturbating in front of her children. Defence lawyers for Kylie Louise Wilson, 28, said the mother of two "lost it" when her friend of six years, Daniel Peter Blair, went on a masturbation marathon on April 6 last year. Brisbane's District Court this morning heard Mr Blair had showed up at Wilson's Birkdale unit, in Redland Shire, where he took amphetamines before having a shower. Whilst in the bathroom, Mr Blair, 32, began pleasuring himself, before moving to Wilson's bedroom, where he rolled around naked on her bed and continued his lewd conduct. He returned to the bathroom for more and was busted by Wilson, who was attempting to bath her three-and-a-half year-old daughter. The court heard Mr Blair refused her repeated requests to stop, prompting her to fetch a knife from the kitchen which she used to stab him twice in the left shoulder. Crown prosecutors said Mr Blair paused only to put on his shorts and flee outside to wait for police to arrive, but was again overcome by the urge. "Despite his injury, it seems (Mr Blair) continued to masturbate while in the garage," the prosecutor said. Police took him to hospital where he received treatment for the minor stab wounds. Wilson pleaded guilty to one count each of unlawful wounding and wilful damage. Her defence barrister, Mark Johnson, said Wilson regarded Mr Blair as a "tolerably decent person" when he was not using drugs, but had become "extremely protective" of her daughter under the circumstances. "He was in and out and round about, doing this sort of thing all over the house, " Mr Johnson said. "She just lost it, to put it crudely." Senior Judge Gilbert Trafford Walker accepted the Crown's submission that Wilson had been subjected to "grossly offensive conduct ... which in a moral sense amounts to extreme provocation." He sentenced her to nine months' jail but ordered that she be immediately released on parole.

2007-06-20T01:17:00.000-07:00

Brisbane has been freezing lately and i have been freezing my nuts off. This sort of weather is the sort i would expect in New Zealand which is why i left. Also my neighbor has decided to raise his house so now my views from my back deck are gonna begone. Sonuvabitch dickhead asshole. This cold weather is making me cold and cranky.
oh and this news story in The BrisbaeTimes is ..ummm....well resd it and find out.....
Stab victim 'continued masturbating' Christine Kellett | June 20, 2007 - 11:44AM A Brisbane woman stabbed a male friend twice in the shower after he refused to stop masturbating in front of her children. Defence lawyers for Kylie Louise Wilson, 28, said the mother of two "lost it" when her friend of six years, Daniel Peter Blair, went on a masturbation marathon on April 6 last year. Brisbane's District Court this morning heard Mr Blair had showed up at Wilson's Birkdale unit, in Redland Shire, where he took amphetamines before having a shower. Whilst in the bathroom, Mr Blair, 32, began pleasuring himself, before moving to Wilson's bedroom, where he rolled around naked on her bed and continued his lewd conduct. He returned to the bathroom for more and was busted by Wilson, who was attempting to bath her three-and-a-half year-old daughter. The court heard Mr Blair refused her repeated requests to stop, prompting her to fetch a knife from the kitchen which she used to stab him twice in the left shoulder. Crown prosecutors said Mr Blair paused only to put on his shorts and flee outside to wait for police to arrive, but was again overcome by the urge. "Despite his injury, it seems (Mr Blair) continued to masturbate while in the garage," the prosecutor said. Police took him to hospital where he received treatment for the minor stab wounds. Wilson pleaded guilty to one count each of unlawful wounding and wilful damage. Her defence barrister, Mark Johnson, said Wilson regarded Mr Blair as a "tolerably decent person" when he was not using drugs, but had become "extremely protective" of her daughter under the circumstances. "He was in and out and round about, doing this sort of thing all over the house, " Mr Johnson said. "She just lost it, to put it crudely." Senior Judge Gilbert Trafford Walker accepted the Crown's submission that Wilson had been subjected to "grossly offensive conduct ... which in a moral sense amounts to extreme provocation." He sentenced her to nine months' jail but ordered that she be immediately released on parole.

The ChumScrubber

2007-06-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

Okay now i liked the show " Weeds" but the fucking programming gods at Channel Nine decided that it wasnt rating too well and yanked it off the air. Bitches. anyhow I was cruising the video store yesterday and came across this movie that looked different. and i gotta say WOW. I love it when you see this awesome movie that you didnt think would be any good and it totally kicks arse. It had this whole weirdly/cool/scary/fucked up feel to it that was in the whole Weeds kind of sensibility. The Chumscrubber. Watch it when you have nothing to do on a cold day.

कोनीचीवा बीत्चेस

2007-06-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

ah-ha finally i have got the evidence to prove that Robyn does indeed sing/rap/whatever "Konichiwa Bitches". this chick is way off the charts.

Bollywood comes alive

2007-06-06T00:56:00.000-07:00

i like trashy and suggestive hindi movies and songs. and this new movie is doing it really hard for me right now. check it out. "Beedi" from the movie Omkara. That Bipasha Basu is like a wild tigress. i will take up smoking to light a beedi from her jigar anytime. what?!?! smoking doesn't kill...it is the cancer that does it. Fool. though the whole "milking the cow" dance routine is a bit off putting. still hot though.

Rain Rain...go away

2007-06-06T00:48:00.000-07:00

okay this blog looks like it needs some kick starting. looking mighty poor. okay here goes. I have started a new job and it feels ...kinda okay. compared to the last time i tried this kind of employment i definitely feel more comfortable. of course i am superstitious and now that i have said this i expect next week to be utter shite. damn you catholic upbringing. guess i have to hit church on Sunday.

We have been inundated with rain here in Brisbane for almost a week now and the weird thing is rosita just came over from Auckland for a visit. The last time Greenstamps and Rosita came over to Brisbane d=for a holiday it also poured the whole time. Guess the Queensland Govt should pay for the Kiwis to come over all the time and then there will be no drought in Queensand. The worst part of this blessed rain is that mt clothes on the clothes line will never dry and so i will be wearing my back of the closet clothes for the next few days. Fun FUN FUN.

haha hahaha hahaha

2007-05-19T17:08:00.001-07:00

just thought I'd share

Don't hate me coz I'm FAT

2007-05-07T12:16:00.001-07:00

Ohh new research peeps, hot off the press, the usual super-reliable medical and statistical research that brought us such gems as 'don't eat eggs, they're full of cholesterol', 'eat more protein, it'll keep you skinny' and 'red meat is now good for you'.

So, apparently a nice big study has shown that fathers are to blame for fat children! Apparently the parenting style of the father, in terms of setting boundaries, is strongly correlated with little whale kiddies! Whereas the mother's parenting style doesn't seem to play such a big role (ahahah). Of course, the study didn't say what the correlation is between the father's weight and the mother's weight - so perhaps one could argue that men are to blame for their wives' weights too...

See, I'm going to do a groundbreaking study too. It'll be just as statistically significant and compelling as all these other studies. I shall prove, ladies and gentlemen, that the primary cause of obesity in human beings is.... EATING TOO MUCH.

Put down your double cheeseburger with hollandaise sauce, Buster, and pass me some fries.

Da Stupid Code

2007-04-21T13:42:00.001-07:00

Okay so it's not a very witty blog title, but let's face it, it's not a very witty book. Ok i just totally need to rant about this a bit. How the hell did this absolutely piece of shit become a bestselling novel that was in everyone's hands??? I just read it, I know, I resisted for long but gave in at the end... and it is absolutely awful.

I don't mean the "controversial" content (ooh ahh maybe Jesus has a wife, oh the scandal is unbearable) - I mean the drivelling, overblown, pretentious, turgid writing style! I mean, we're talking shit like this...

"Langdon stared at the picture, his horror now laced with fear. The image was gruesome and profoundly strange, bringing with it an unsettling sense of deja vu". [wow, so horror, fear, gore, strangeness AND deja vu? could one picture provoke any more responses???]

"Langdon nodded, feeling a chill as he looked up" [oh right, chills as well. my bad.]

"According to lore, the brotherhood had created a map of stone - a clef de voute... or keystone - an engraved tablet that revealed the final resting place of the brotherhood's greatest secret... information so powerful that its protection was the reason for the brotherhood's very existence." [So what you're saying is, according to lore, the brotherhood existed to protect powerful information, and to guard the keystone that revealed its location. But with more italics, hyphens, foreign words and ellipses. Nice.]

"The final line hit Langdon like a kick in the gut." [Exactly what we want to give Dan Brown!]

""Ten digits," Sophie said, her crypotologic senses tingling as she studied the computer printout." [It's spider senses, beotch, spider senses!]

And this is setting aside the most obvious flaws... a curator who spends his last 15 minutes, bleeding from the gut, constructing an elaborate game of crack the code when a simple note would have sufficed, a brotherhood that dedicates itself to protecting information that at the end is just 'better left as a mystery'.

Oh people, if you haven't already read the book or watched the movie (yes, I'm talking to you, little blind Jimmy), then save yourself. Don't.

Always remember that fish in the curry is worth 2 in the sea

2007-04-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

there was this comedienne that i saw in India when i was visiting that was just the funniest. her name- LOLA KUTTY....her job..the Channel [V] resident beauty on duty
mwahaha check out the orange and purple lungis. i want me one.

Don't screw the crew

2007-04-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

okay these two people at work keep flirting with each other. i noticed this about 2 weeks ago and i thought "hmmmm interesting"..now though it is so fucking annoying. I just want to tell them to fuck and get it over with. so if you happen to read this and you know who you are consider this a helpful suggestion.

Lately though a lot of things and people have been pissing me off. Am i getting older or is that world being populated with more morons than ever? stupid fucking people. So you mean if i drink 3 liters of coke daily i will get decay in my teeth?....ahhhh no no not at all. it means that you will have gleaming white teeth just like angelina jolie. retard! and it goes on and on everyday.... when will the stupidity ever end?

on a another note i have apparently started to stop losing hair. yippi kay yay mofo. i don't notice it but hey i will take whatever i can.

you've been X'd

2007-04-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

trolling through youtube as you do, i happened across this American comic(debatable). this was kinda funny though. Oh Jamie Kennedy you so funny.

Fade into you.....

2007-04-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit off tonight so i thought I'd share the song that gets stuck in my head when I'm down. enjoy...or not . depending on your mood

I'm bringing blogging back..yeh

2007-04-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

waddup peeps. It been a while since i have been blogging but i have decided to start once again as i have heaps to blog about. btw i hate the word blog. it sounds like the noise made by a morbidly obese person being sick. trust me i know what I'm talking about.

i have returned from the Melbourne international comedy festival and it was fooking great. Wil Anderson and Fiona O'Laughlin were standouts. youtube them people and see what its all about. But the hands down funniest person was ROSS NOBLE. Ross you are a god among men. Seriously this guy went on for about 2 hours and i don't think he had a single thing prepared. It was just off the cuff. like billy connonlly except funnier (hullo motherfucker).

okay also i have decided to start posting reviews of films i have seen recently and what i think are going to be awesome movies because i can. hopefully this site will then become a bastion of movie info and i will be regarded as a movie auteur. or not but whatever.

I have to say that finding a new job is the hardest thing ever. I hate writing resumes and putting in shit that i know is so not true. for instance when i used to put in -play tennis and practice yoga. like i will ever do stuff like yoga. bitch please. But now that i actually play tennis i don't feel bad about putting it in anymore.

You make me laugh

2007-03-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

I have returned peeps! I have been so busy at work it has just been insane. And I mean that in a bad way. I hate being busy, why does my paid job have to get in the way of my unpaid life. Damnit. Money and the need for it sucks. Actually only the need for it.

So anyways... I have to review two recent views... one was the movie Hot Fuzz. Oh that was funny. Same team as Shaun of the Dead and while it started off slow and made me think 'wtf???' it really picked up. Laugh out loud moments, all good. I love british comedy, seriously the americans just ain't got the stuff.

And the other is this comedian Russell Peters. He's indian. he's funny. he does accents. ohhh laugh a lot people, laugh a lot.Youtube him today!!!! Well, you could go out and pay good money and buy his DVD but lets face it. No one's gonna do that.

Oh and speaking of which, how the heck do services like youtube even MAKE money? I don't get it, hardly any advertising, no charges, millions of users. Hmm. So why did google buy them??? And how does google make money??? Oh and I was also pondering whether the rise of the giants like wikipedia, google and youtube reflect the same sort of consolidation effect as we see in big supermarkets... you know, first there are lots of little mom and pop websites and then the big giants come along and everyone goes there because it's easy to find the content you need. Hmmm, sew deep, i'm like the ocean but less salty.

Ciao for now peeps.

Blast from the Past

2007-03-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

its a Friday night, I'm sitting at home and feeling extremely unwell. It has been a shit couple of weeks for moi and now to top it all off i may have come down with the flu.

It all started 11 years ago when i was at high school when i was constantly compared to someone else. it was always.."look how hard xxxx is studying, look how many activities xxxx is doing, see how well xxxx has done in the exams". Now i have grown heaps since then and no longer feel the need to be bothered by what anyone else is or isn't doing. But i have realised that this XXXX is like my kryptonite. The mere mention of his name is enough to crumble my defenses.

Thankfully i haven't had much contact with this XXXX. Two weeks ago i got an email that had mention of XXXX and how happy he and his parents are. AND it just threw me for a six. Later that night and a six pack of Johnny and coke later i started to feel marginally better. I just hate how things from your past can affect you even though you are a confident (most of the time) , professional. HATE it HATE it....

expecto patronum

2007-03-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

Overheard at work today.......

Dentist (to assistant): Did you pick up these x-rays from the front counter?
Bitchy Assitant : No, fuckwit. they flew in through the window harry potter style.
Dentist: .....blank look....

Joe Boxer

2007-03-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

number of boxers i had on febuary 27 ------------------- 10
number of boxers i ripped while playing tennis----------------- 3
number of boxers i ripped while watching tv------------------- 2
number of boxers that ripped in the wash--------------------- 1
number of boxers i cannot find in the house --------------------1
number of boxers i have today march 10----------------- 3
what is going on?? its like the undies fairy has come and cast a wicked spell on me that will only be broken by true love's first kiss. needless to say this weekend i will be buying some stronger more durable jocks.

terrible indian joke

2007-03-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes. And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance. One of the angels asked... "God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?" God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly People. Sparkling streams and serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold..... The angel was quite surprised: "But god you said everything should be in balance." God replied -- "Look at the neighbors I gave them."

The masters of the universe

2007-03-05T00:48:00.000-08:00

mwahahah i love he-man...but this just takes the cake and then eates it too. as someone said...he-man you so fierce.

Colour me Blackk

2007-02-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

Okay i am SUCH a sad loser seriously... okay not a sad loser exactly, maybe more like a couch potato freak... anyway, i was surfing youtube as you do, and happened to stumble across clips from the tyra banks show. okay this is some FUNNY SHIT! she takes herself so seriously and is always trying to 'tackle the hard issues' and 'stand up for the mammas, yo!' and it's just awful... the dregs of tv programming!

anyway, i thought i'd share these two classic photos that should sum it all up... they come form the 'hard-hitting' show where tyra goes UNDERCOVER as a MAN to unearth the truth on what men really say and think behind closed doors. OK. the photos should suffice to illustrate how deep undercover old TB went... LMAO.

poker face

2007-02-21T00:25:00.000-08:00

i have recently started playing poker and man i love the game. the thrill of holding a royal flush and no one else knowing if you're bluffing or not.....its great. of course i don't play with money as i don't have any left after mortgage payments are made every Friday. and on that note here is a link to a trailer for a movie that looks awesome. Drew and Eric make a good team and seem to have good chemistry unlike the movie with Hugh grant which sucked major bollocks. http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/luckyyou/trailer1/medium.html it is being directed by the same guy who did "Wonder Boys" which was cruelly ignored when released. if you want to watch something different to the rubbish on DVD at the moment get this. you will enjoy yourself.

Me love you long time

2007-02-17T19:34:00.000-08:00

This is SO funny... i have to love this. and to think some freaks pay like $9.99 a minute to listen to lame stuff like this... http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6381410641080364790

internet porn people, it's more reliable, and the thumbnails are free.

the prodigal son

2007-02-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

hurrah blog world...like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, I, tequila have returned to the Internet. The frigging Internet provider took 3 weeks to transfer my Internet account from my old address to the new one. You know with all these advances in technology i would expect things to be done quickly, but alas , no. On the other hand i am writing this post from my new house which is costing me 3/4 of an arm and both legs. and finally the place is starting to look like a home, which is awesome. i got my new leather couches delivered yesterday and i have been eating, watching TV and sleeping on them cause they are great. so soft....like a baby koala...or at least what i imagine a baby koala would feel like. anyway, the point is i have my own house and i feel great. pity i have to now work to pay the mortgage. eh...you get what you give...

Laughing in the face of death

2007-02-02T19:18:00.000-08:00

Ok people... rosita has taken the best video ever on our recent trip to india... and yes like all good geeklets we have posted it to google videos... yes broadband days are here, wa-heyyy! anyway this is a must see - death defying little indian construction worker... descending a 12 story building with no safety gear apart from his little yellow hardhat.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5126610054624269948

i'm telling you peeps, life is cheap in a third world country. or maybe it's just cheap everywhere but it's only them that know it. ooooh tres philosophical. i'll go take my novocain now.

Technorgasm

2007-01-28T19:26:00.001-08:00

okay peeps.... this is really really kewl. my home feels like a proper tech-heaven... we have our 50" TV (ohhh yeah) wired up to our laptop, with a cordless keyboard and mouse... so i'm surfing the net in WIDEscreen colour... from the ottoman. ohhh i'm so happy. the downside of course is that i'm still on dial up. now how LAME ASS is that. hehehe - but we also bought a broadband kit today. so, soon my pretties, soooon!

actually speaking of which, i am so impressed with how technologically advanced india has become. like heaps of people have broadband... and satellite tv seems to be the norm too. whereas it's still a bit of a luxury here. which makes me think... isn't it bit sad that despite being a supposedly "rich" country, we're still too poor to afford the things that are actually technically possible.

like way back in the 90s people were predicting the convergence of appliances, i should be able to surf the net from my fridge, while it automatically orders groceries from the nearest supermarket. i should be watching streaming tv (i pick the shows) from my bathtub using the full wall size lcd screen that's affixed to my ceiling. BUT while all of these things are actually possible... none of us can afford them! the technology is still too expensive apparently.

Well - i'll tell you which one invention would severely improve my life. i know my brilliant idea shouldn't be divulged like this but honestly if someone steals it and does it, i'd be grateful enough. basically, the idea is, i want to dictate items of shopping into my cellphone, and it will automatically order them for me. then, once a week or whatever, my supermarket delivers the stuff. so... while i'm brushing my teeth i remember we need toothpaste... i tell the phone. then at dinner time i use up the last of the milk... i tell the phone. and so on... seriously. it would be SO good. or maybe i just need to get organised and put a pad of paper up on my fridge.

Call me worthless

2007-01-25T23:45:00.001-08:00

oh i just love love love trashy reality tv... tonight's new low was beauty and the geek, season 2. yes, they've made a season two. leaving aside that piece of evidence for the stupidity of man, let's zoom to the job titles of the beauties and geeks on the show - yes, i typed them up as i watched. i'll leave you to guess which are the beauts and which the geeks.

tanning salon administrator
beer spokesmodel
speed chess champion
museum critic
dungeon master
cocktail waitress/shot girl
camp counselor
dental assistant
MIT graduate
tracks monkeys with lasers

but... my favourite part of tonight's show had to be the elimination... one of the geeks is up for the final pop quiz. this is supposed to be the smart guy people...

Q: which italian inventor's name has now become synonymous with a seducer of women?

Geek's Ans: Lothario

Real Ans: Casanova... DUHHH.

Q: In America, on what date is Valentines Day celebrated?

Geek's Ans: ughhhhh uhhhh I'm thinking either Feb 16 or Feb 14... ughhhh.

Ok so he got that one right in the end. But seriously.

Pan's Labrynith

2007-01-25T13:16:00.000-08:00

We went to the movies last night and there was nothing good on so we eneded up seeing this foreign movie called "Pan's Labrynith" . What an awesome movie. I am not usually a big fan of foreign movies and could just barely tolerate "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" , but this movie is just plain awesome. Though a word of warning, the movie is kinda violent in places. 10/10 from me . Also i was watching an interiew with Mandy Moore last night and she is just the biggest slut i have ever seen. Its worse because she tries to play this innocent fun loving person but you know she would so not even pee on you if you were on fire. Bitch!!

Thums up...Taste the Thunder

2007-01-23T23:54:00.000-08:00

all ye false cola drinks out there...bow down to the Greatest Cola drink ever created..... THUMS UP

I know not many people have heard of this drink so i urge you...get down to your local indian shop and grab one of these. I have just discovered them at the local indian store here in Brisvegas and am totally addicted.

On another note....YAY i have finally got possesion of my new house. Painters are coming in on monday to paint the place and then i move in on the Friday. Now as long as the interest rates stay constant i will be happy.......

office space

2007-01-19T21:24:00.001-08:00

snerk snerk snerk... okay so i might be behind the times but i have finally watched office space, which is so funny! i don't know if people in other work environments would find it as funny, but man i did... apart from the fact that jennifer aniston is in it. because i hate her. well, not her obviously since i don't know her, but as an actress i just think she's always playing exactly the same character with exactly the same facial expressions and mannerisms. oh look it's the tilted head frowny pout face... again!

but aside from that - what a funny movie... i mean the geeks getting back at the Man with a virus 'like in superman 3'... looking up money laundering in the dictionary... oh and my favourite lines... 'if i had a million dollars, i'd do nothing' 'shit, you don't need a million dollars... my cousin's broke and he don't do shit!'... ok ok so i've probably misquoted but whatever you know.

but seriously it made me think... if i had a million dollars, i'd want to do nothing too!!! really. like absolutely nothing. i'd just bum around and read and maybe go shopping (with that million dollars remember) and watch movies and listen to music and surf the net over a dedicated T1 line and read some more books and... yeah. maybe this whole 'oh i'd be bored' thing is just sour grapes for all us non-millionaires. i'm thinking bertie wooster, i'm thinking english nobles, i'm thinking maharajahs... by all accounts they did ok!

the other thing i decided i'd like to do is be a naturalist... no, not a nudist, a naturalist... the kind that studies animals and takes people on field safaris all the time. that's a sweet job. drive around in a jeep and point out wildlife. maybe pet an elephant now and then. nice.

Hello pot.? This is the kettle...you're black.

2007-01-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

so i have to throw my two cents into this whole "Celebrity Big Brother" racism row in the UK. How can this hideous fat bitch who sounds as rough as sandpaper call Shilpa Shetty an "ugly indian dog"? ...er....lady (and i use the term freely) have you looked into a mirror lately or like EVER? compare the two.... ......Shilpa Shetty ..................Jade Goody................. ..and yeah in the interest of unbiased journalism i have used similar photos for comparison. what??!?!