haha hahaha hahaha

just thought I'd share

Don't hate me coz I'm FAT

Ohh new research peeps, hot off the press, the usual super-reliable medical and statistical research that brought us such gems as 'don't eat eggs, they're full of cholesterol', 'eat more protein, it'll keep you skinny' and 'red meat is now good for you'.

 

So, apparently a nice big study has shown that fathers are to blame for fat children! Apparently the parenting style of the father, in terms of setting boundaries, is strongly correlated with little whale kiddies! Whereas the mother's parenting style doesn't seem to play such a big role (ahahah). Of course, the study didn't say what the correlation is between the father's weight and the mother's weight - so perhaps one could argue that men are to blame for their wives' weights too...

 

See, I'm going to do a groundbreaking study too. It'll be just as statistically significant and compelling as all these other studies. I shall prove, ladies and gentlemen, that the primary cause of obesity in human beings is.... EATING TOO MUCH.

 

Put down your double cheeseburger with hollandaise sauce, Buster, and pass me some fries.

Da Stupid Code

Okay so it's not a very witty blog title, but let's face it, it's not a very witty book. Ok i just totally need to rant about this a bit. How the hell did this absolutely piece of shit become a bestselling novel that was in everyone's hands??? I just read it, I know, I resisted for long but gave in at the end... and it is absolutely awful.

 

I don't mean the "controversial" content (ooh ahh maybe Jesus has a wife, oh the scandal is unbearable) - I mean the drivelling, overblown, pretentious, turgid writing style! I mean, we're talking shit like this...

 

"Langdon stared at the picture, his horror now laced with fear. The image was gruesome and profoundly strange, bringing with it an unsettling sense of deja vu". [wow, so horror, fear, gore, strangeness AND deja vu? could one picture provoke any more responses???]

"Langdon nodded, feeling a chill as he looked up" [oh right, chills as well. my bad.]

"According to lore, the brotherhood had created a map of stone - a clef de voute... or keystone - an engraved tablet that revealed the final resting place of the brotherhood's greatest secret... information so powerful that its protection was the reason for the brotherhood's very existence." [So what you're saying is, according to lore, the brotherhood existed to protect powerful information, and to guard the keystone that revealed its location. But with more italics, hyphens, foreign words and ellipses. Nice.]

"The final line hit Langdon like a kick in the gut." [Exactly what we want to give Dan Brown!]

""Ten digits," Sophie said, her crypotologic senses tingling as she studied the computer printout." [It's spider senses, beotch, spider senses!]

 

And this is setting aside the most obvious flaws... a curator who spends his last 15 minutes, bleeding from the gut, constructing an elaborate game of crack the code when a simple note would have sufficed, a brotherhood that dedicates itself to protecting information that at the end is just 'better left as a mystery'.

 

Oh people, if you haven't already read the book or watched the movie (yes, I'm talking to you, little blind Jimmy), then save yourself. Don't.

Always remember that fish in the curry is worth 2 in the sea

there was this comedienne that i saw in India when i was visiting that was just the funniest. her name- LOLA KUTTY....her job..the Channel [V] resident beauty on duty
mwahaha check out the orange and purple lungis. i want me one.

Don't screw the crew

okay these two people at work keep flirting with each other. i noticed this about 2 weeks ago and i thought "hmmmm interesting"..now though it is so fucking annoying. I just want to tell them to fuck and get it over with. so if you happen to read this and you know who you are consider this a helpful suggestion.

Lately though a lot of things and people have been pissing me off. Am i getting older or is that world being populated with more morons than ever? stupid fucking people. So you mean if i drink 3 liters of coke daily i will get decay in my teeth?....ahhhh no no not at all. it means that you will have gleaming white teeth just like angelina jolie. retard! and it goes on and on everyday.... when will the stupidity ever end?

on a another note i have apparently started to stop losing hair. yippi kay yay mofo. i don't notice it but hey i will take whatever i can.

you've been X'd

trolling through youtube as you do, i happened across this American comic(debatable). this was kinda funny though. Oh Jamie Kennedy you so funny.

Fade into you.....

I'm feeling a bit off tonight so i thought I'd share the song that gets stuck in my head when I'm down. enjoy...or not . depending on your mood

I'm bringing blogging back..yeh

waddup peeps. It been a while since i have been blogging but i have decided to start once again as i have heaps to blog about. btw i hate the word blog. it sounds like the noise made by a morbidly obese person being sick. trust me i know what I'm talking about.

i have returned from the Melbourne international comedy festival and it was fooking great. Wil Anderson and Fiona O'Laughlin were standouts. youtube them people and see what its all about. But the hands down funniest person was ROSS NOBLE. Ross you are a god among men. Seriously this guy went on for about 2 hours and i don't think he had a single thing prepared. It was just off the cuff. like billy connonlly except funnier (hullo motherfucker).

okay also i have decided to start posting reviews of films i have seen recently and what i think are going to be awesome movies because i can. hopefully this site will then become a bastion of movie info and i will be regarded as a movie auteur. or not but whatever.

I have to say that finding a new job is the hardest thing ever. I hate writing resumes and putting in shit that i know is so not true. for instance when i used to put in -play tennis and practice yoga. like i will ever do stuff like yoga. bitch please. But now that i actually play tennis i don't feel bad about putting it in anymore.

You make me laugh

I have returned peeps! I have been so busy at work it has just been insane. And I mean that in a bad way. I hate being busy, why does my paid job have to get in the way of my unpaid life. Damnit. Money and the need for it sucks. Actually only the need for it.

 

So anyways... I have to review two recent views... one was the movie Hot Fuzz. Oh that was funny. Same team as Shaun of the Dead and while it started off slow and made me think 'wtf???' it really picked up. Laugh out loud moments, all good. I love british comedy, seriously the americans just ain't got the stuff.

 

And the other is this comedian Russell Peters. He's indian. he's funny. he does accents. ohhh laugh a lot people, laugh a lot.Youtube him today!!!! Well, you could go out and pay good money and buy his DVD but lets face it. No one's gonna do that.

 

Oh and speaking of which, how the heck do services like youtube even MAKE money? I don't get it, hardly any advertising, no charges, millions of users. Hmm. So why did google buy them??? And how does google make money??? Oh and I was also pondering whether the rise of the giants like wikipedia, google and youtube reflect the same sort of consolidation effect as we see in big supermarkets... you know, first there are lots of little mom and pop websites and then the big giants come along and everyone goes there because it's easy to find the content you need. Hmmm, sew deep, i'm like the ocean but less salty.

 

Ciao for now peeps.

Blast from the Past

its a Friday night, I'm sitting at home and feeling extremely unwell. It has been a shit couple of weeks for moi and now to top it all off i may have come down with the flu.

It all started 11 years ago when i was at high school when i was constantly compared to someone else. it was always.."look how hard xxxx is studying, look how many activities xxxx is doing, see how well xxxx has done in the exams". Now i have grown heaps since then and no longer feel the need to be bothered by what anyone else is or isn't doing. But i have realised that this XXXX is like my kryptonite. The mere mention of his name is enough to crumble my defenses.

Thankfully i haven't had much contact with this XXXX. Two weeks ago i got an email that had mention of XXXX and how happy he and his parents are. AND it just threw me for a six. Later that night and a six pack of Johnny and coke later i started to feel marginally better. I just hate how things from your past can affect you even though you are a confident (most of the time) , professional. HATE it HATE it....