Sing little birdie

Okay I just need to have a little vent about shows that do the national talent search and have the obligatory judging panel (one softie, one medium, one harsh-ass) and basically churn through a huge number of auditions at lots of random inbred towns.

 

What's to vent about, you might ask? It sounds perfect.

 

Well, I'm actually sick of the little kids who audition. There are always these little ten year olds, eight year olds.... even a six year old... and no matter how crap they are, they get through! Because seriously, even the harsh-ass does not want to tell little six year old Maisie that she's outta here coz she got no talent.

 

But that does NOT mean she does! She might SUCK! I mean come on people, break the kid's heart now, before someone else breaks it for her.

 

My primary school singing teacher routinely put in my report "doesn't understand pitch", "needs to try harder", and as time wore on "doesn't seem to concentrate in class".

 

*shatter*

 

sheeeeeat!

Okay so I tried to make this blog all high-brow, intellectual and meaningful, but Tequila dragged us straight back into the gutter... where we belong? Maybe so! But, I am now powerless to halt this descent... so after nearly wetting myself laughing at that Maury video clip, I felt impelled to google it. And, people, you may rest easy, because the show is REAL! Yes, there really is trash like that alive and well on this earth, and earning their rightful place of fame on syndicated TV.

 

Check out the Wikipedia "summary" of the show... including detailed descriptions of how the themes of the episodes play out... I read the "Who my baby daddy" section and had to stop because laughing so hard at work looks unnatural. Wallow, my fellow piglets, in the filth of human depravity...

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maury_(TV_series)

 

BWAHAHA!

Respect mah authoritah !!!

So I have always been a fan of trailer trash, the trashier the better. Which is why Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer were like the top of my viewing list all through high school. I came across this clip from The Maury Povich Show, which is a low brow talk show in the US. I watched this clip on replay so many times.....Its like a train wreck that you can't look away from. I really hope this is real. Awesomest of the awesome.

Deep and meaningful

Over the weekend I watched The Constant Gardener... it's based on a john le carre novel, and I thought it was absolutely excellent. Story of a diplomat's wife who is murdered in africa, and the diplomat starts investigating, finding a complex conspiracy involving big pharmac companies, drug testing on illiterate blacks in poverty...

 

i BAWLED my eyes out for about half the movie, mainly for the plight of africa... whenever i see movies like that, it makes me despair. that continent is so ravaged... it is such a beautiful place, the land, the flora and fauna, the people are so beautiful, and yet they are torn on every side by war, drought, famine, disease and corruption. Everyone rapes africa. Their own people - dictators, tyrants, tribal wars and corruption all the way through. The western nations - unwilling to write off debt, unwilling to contribute meaningfully. The corporations - pharmacy companies, weapons companies. It is like the people are in an abyss, unable to find a way out.

 

How is it that atrocities of poverty and war are visited on this continent on such a large scale, but we are unable to find any method or approach that will help? Is it basically that no one can help them unless their own people become educated and rise up and create change? But then, given the state of the nations, how will there ever be enough food, enough water, enough health to enable them to access that next level of the hierarchy of needs? As America spends three trillion dollars on their "war on terror", who is interested in spending on a war on poverty?

 

One solution I considered - foreign run schools and educational institutions that are not only funded but actually run, staffed, managed by overseas people. Thus eliminating some of the corruption. Make them accountable to the highest bodies like the UN, and subject to strict audits and checks. Feed and educate the children. They are the only people who can agitate for change...

 

As the western world gets swept up in anxiety over climate change, sustainability and carbon footprints... this movie made me think... how fickle we are, to move from social trend to social trend... as the children in africa keep dying.

 

So basically, fck global warming... can someone please think about the children!

I am all that you say I am....

Now I have been called a lot of things in my life....wanker, mangina, tequila, big foot(thanks D). But what happened yesterday was a first on so many levels. Let me set this up for you....This holier than thou christian middle aged man walks onto the surgery and in the course of talking to him he says that he hasn't had a check up in 6 years. So out of a general courtesy I inquire about the reason why. "Well" he says "because all you people are a bunch of Soul Sucking Capitalists."

So here is the thing. You wouldn't walk into a lawyer's office and say shit like that only because you know that they would fuck you up so badly you wouldn't be able to shit for a week. So what makes it ok to walk into my surgery and say crap like that? Don't let this non-Caucasian, eager to please face, fool you fucktard....this one is no pushover. I will cut you down and smile all the while wielding a 5 inch needle. You have been warned!!

Boh-Selecta......

Damn I hate these organized religions that make you throw your hands in the air like you just don;t care. Someone once took me along to a service like that and it was so weird that I almost shat my pants. Which is why this video made me LOL. ...

You Can Do Eeet....You Can Do Eeet All Night Long.

You know how when people hang up inspirational pictures at work to try and motivate themselves/workmates? I fucking hate it. Seeing them makes me want to tear the poster down and force the person to eat it. But as I have a reputation to uphold I usually just smile and make a placatory noise/comment. Well I discovered these anti-motivational posters and am loving them. Why can't people put these up instead? At least then I can have a laugh and won't think bad thoughts about people who put up lame posters. And I found a perfect poster which really just is made for our blog.... For more awesomeness that is DeMotivational posters, follow the link.... http://www.blog.joelx.com/de-motivational-posters/730/

Happy Birthday To Us

Another year another birthday for greenstamps & tequila. Have we gotten wiser? Hell no. But possibly better looking and funnier. Well, maybe not that either. What I definitely don't want to do is reflect on the year that's been and come up with some pansy statements about what I've learned. Seriously, what losers do that. I nearly gag when people tell me stuff like that... I mean yawnorama. If you learnt so much why do you have to reflect at the end of the year to figure it out. Pah. It's called awareness people.

Aaj mera Janam din hai.

Happy Birthday to me! Supposedly today I should feel special and be thankful for the 28 years that I have been alive and healthy. But it feels like any other goddamn day. I woke up, brushed my teeth, went to work. Worked, drove home and had dinner. Oh just to make it special I bought a slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Shop. Whoop-dee-fucking--doo.

I used to love birthdays when I was younger. But as I get older, I find that it really just is another day. I always wondered my aunts and parents never made a big fuss on their birthday but now I can sort of understand. You have other things to think about like the frigging mortgage and bills. Sigh. and so I end this day sitting on the computer after treating myself to a slice of cheesecake, knowing that i have to work tomorrow and as well as Saturday. Many Happy returns of the day!!

Monogamy is the way to go......

...just put your lips together and Blow. All this filthy talk is just in response to a quasi interesting slight porno-ish movie I saw last night. "Southland Tales" is the name of the film and was made by the same guy who made 'Donnie Darko" which happens to be one of my favorite movies ever. So going into this movie I was more than aware of all the bad press this movie received from the first disastrous screening in Cannes in 2006. And followed by the fan boys generally poor reviews on the movie forums, I was hoping against hope that this would not be the unmitigated disaster it threatened to be.

Well you know what? This was nowhere near as bad as it was made out to be. More like an entertaining, deep as a puddle, hot mess of a film that slapped me around and called me a bitch type of movie. Oh and did I mention that Sarah Michelle Gellar played a porn star called Krysta Now and that she is smokin' hot as usual. No? Now I did.

So how can I review this movie? Well I can't. If you liked/halfway understood 'Donnie Darko', then I suppose you will enjoy this film. Justin Timberlake, for once, did not want to make me punch him in the face and Seann William Scott was actually kinda good with his whole riff on the 'stifler' character. All in all a perfect movie to watch on a cold rainy Sunday afternoon in sodding Brisbane.
Oh and this is a song from the movie sung by Buffy herself. It is kinda self explanatory. heh.