Da Stupid Code

Okay so it's not a very witty blog title, but let's face it, it's not a very witty book. Ok i just totally need to rant about this a bit. How the hell did this absolutely piece of shit become a bestselling novel that was in everyone's hands??? I just read it, I know, I resisted for long but gave in at the end... and it is absolutely awful.

 

I don't mean the "controversial" content (ooh ahh maybe Jesus has a wife, oh the scandal is unbearable) - I mean the drivelling, overblown, pretentious, turgid writing style! I mean, we're talking shit like this...

 

"Langdon stared at the picture, his horror now laced with fear. The image was gruesome and profoundly strange, bringing with it an unsettling sense of deja vu". [wow, so horror, fear, gore, strangeness AND deja vu? could one picture provoke any more responses???]

"Langdon nodded, feeling a chill as he looked up" [oh right, chills as well. my bad.]

"According to lore, the brotherhood had created a map of stone - a clef de voute... or keystone - an engraved tablet that revealed the final resting place of the brotherhood's greatest secret... information so powerful that its protection was the reason for the brotherhood's very existence." [So what you're saying is, according to lore, the brotherhood existed to protect powerful information, and to guard the keystone that revealed its location. But with more italics, hyphens, foreign words and ellipses. Nice.]

"The final line hit Langdon like a kick in the gut." [Exactly what we want to give Dan Brown!]

""Ten digits," Sophie said, her crypotologic senses tingling as she studied the computer printout." [It's spider senses, beotch, spider senses!]

 

And this is setting aside the most obvious flaws... a curator who spends his last 15 minutes, bleeding from the gut, constructing an elaborate game of crack the code when a simple note would have sufficed, a brotherhood that dedicates itself to protecting information that at the end is just 'better left as a mystery'.

 

Oh people, if you haven't already read the book or watched the movie (yes, I'm talking to you, little blind Jimmy), then save yourself. Don't.