Technorgasm

okay peeps.... this is really really kewl. my home feels like a proper tech-heaven... we have our 50" TV (ohhh yeah) wired up to our laptop, with a cordless keyboard and mouse... so i'm surfing the net in WIDEscreen colour... from the ottoman. ohhh i'm so happy. the downside of course is that i'm still on dial up. now how LAME ASS is that. hehehe - but we also bought a broadband kit today. so, soon my pretties, soooon!

 

actually speaking of which, i am so impressed with how technologically advanced india has become. like heaps of people have broadband... and satellite tv seems to be the norm too. whereas it's still a bit of a luxury here. which makes me think... isn't it  bit sad that despite being a supposedly "rich" country, we're still too poor to afford the things that are actually technically possible.

 

like way back in the 90s people were predicting the convergence of appliances, i should be able to surf the net from my fridge, while it automatically orders groceries from the nearest supermarket. i should be watching streaming tv (i pick the shows) from my bathtub using the full wall size lcd screen that's affixed to my ceiling. BUT while all of these things are actually possible... none of us can afford them! the technology is still too expensive apparently.

 

Well - i'll tell you which one invention would severely improve my life. i know my brilliant idea shouldn't be divulged like this but honestly if someone steals it and does it, i'd be grateful enough. basically, the idea is, i want to dictate items of shopping into my cellphone, and it will automatically order them for me. then, once a week or whatever, my supermarket delivers the stuff. so... while i'm brushing my teeth i remember we need toothpaste... i tell the phone. then at dinner time i use up the last of the milk... i tell the phone. and so on... seriously. it would be SO good. or maybe i just need to get organised and put a pad of paper up on my fridge.

Call me worthless

oh i just love love love trashy reality tv... tonight's new low was beauty and the geek, season 2. yes, they've made a season two. leaving aside that piece of evidence for the stupidity of man, let's zoom to the job titles of the beauties and geeks on the show - yes, i typed them up as i watched. i'll leave you to guess which are the beauts and which the geeks.

tanning salon administrator
beer spokesmodel
speed chess champion
museum critic
dungeon master
cocktail waitress/shot girl
camp counselor
dental assistant
MIT graduate
tracks monkeys with lasers

 

but... my favourite part of tonight's show had to be the elimination... one of the geeks is up for the final pop quiz. this is supposed to be the smart guy people...

Q: which italian inventor's name has now become synonymous with a seducer of women?

Geek's Ans: Lothario

Real Ans: Casanova... DUHHH.

 

Q: In America, on what date is Valentines Day celebrated?

Geek's Ans: ughhhhh uhhhh I'm thinking either Feb 16 or Feb 14... ughhhh.

 

Ok so he got that one right in the end. But seriously.

Pan's Labrynith

We went to the movies last night and there was nothing good on so we eneded up seeing this foreign movie called "Pan's Labrynith" . What an awesome movie. I am not usually a big fan of foreign movies and could just barely tolerate "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" , but this movie is just plain awesome. Though a word of warning, the movie is kinda violent in places. 10/10 from me . Also i was watching an interiew with Mandy Moore last night and she is just the biggest slut i have ever seen. Its worse because she tries to play this innocent fun loving person but you know she would so not even pee on you if you were on fire. Bitch!!

Thums up...Taste the Thunder

all ye false cola drinks out there...bow down to the Greatest Cola drink ever created..... THUMS UP

I know not many people have heard of this drink so i urge you...get down to your local indian shop and grab one of these. I have just discovered them at the local indian store here in Brisvegas and am totally addicted.

On another note....YAY i have finally got possesion of my new house. Painters are coming in on monday to paint the place and then i move in on the Friday. Now as long as the interest rates stay constant i will be happy.......

office space

snerk snerk snerk... okay so i might be behind the times but i have finally watched office space, which is so funny! i don't know if people in other work environments would find it as funny, but man i did... apart from the fact that jennifer aniston is in it. because i hate her. well, not her obviously since i don't know her, but as an actress i just think she's always playing exactly the same character with exactly the same facial expressions and mannerisms. oh look it's the tilted head frowny pout face... again!

 

but aside from that - what a funny movie... i mean the geeks getting back at the Man with a virus 'like in superman 3'... looking up money laundering in the dictionary... oh and my favourite lines... 'if i had a million dollars, i'd do nothing' 'shit, you don't need a million dollars... my cousin's broke and he don't do shit!'... ok ok so i've probably misquoted but whatever you know.

 

but seriously it made me think... if i had a million dollars, i'd want to do nothing too!!! really. like absolutely nothing. i'd just bum around and read and maybe go shopping (with that million dollars remember) and watch movies and listen to music and surf the net over a dedicated T1 line and read some more books and... yeah. maybe this whole 'oh i'd be bored' thing is just sour grapes for all us non-millionaires. i'm thinking bertie wooster, i'm thinking english nobles, i'm thinking maharajahs... by all accounts they did ok!

 

the other thing i decided i'd like to do is be a naturalist... no, not a nudist, a naturalist... the kind that studies animals and takes people on field safaris all the time. that's a sweet job. drive around in a jeep and point out wildlife. maybe pet an elephant now and then. nice.

Hello pot.? This is the kettle...you're black.

so i have to throw my two cents into this whole "Celebrity Big Brother" racism row in the UK. How can this hideous fat bitch who sounds as rough as sandpaper call Shilpa Shetty an "ugly indian dog"? ...er....lady (and i use the term freely) have you looked into a mirror lately or like EVER? compare the two.... ......Shilpa Shetty ..................Jade Goody................. ..and yeah in the interest of unbiased journalism i have used similar photos for comparison. what??!?!

Clerks 2

now i am a movie nut as anyone who knows me knows (all 5 of them). I try and watch every movie ever made. Usually a movie gets a meh from me. Occasionally though a movie comes up that is just so awesome and unexpected that it makes me feel all gooey inside. Yes yes act surprised. anyway back in 1997 i watched this movie called "Clerks" on video and was totally blown away. It was a low budget movie that had awesome dialogue and was just..wow. now 9 years later comes the sequel called imaginatively "Clerks 2". Hands down the funniest movie i have seen in a long while with lines like this one "Well I don't wanna jerk off in the Mooby's bathroom. What if a customer comes in and my jerkin' off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong, and suddenly I'm fighting him off as he tries to jam my dick in his mouth? " making me lol. but my only caveat would be not to watch it when people with no sense of humour are around coz it does take good taste and beat it senseless. If you like verbal toilet humour then this is the shit!

I'm bringing Nickelback...

how much do i hate nickelback? let me count the ways............ummm okay maybe i just hate nickelback. though i heard their new song on the radio and thought it was okay until i found out who sang it. So i'm prejudiced. get over it. a nerdy joke" about metals to finish off this lame post.... Nickel and Tin were sitting at the bar when a very drunk Gold walked in. Nickel says " A U , get outta here"

Three poems

mmmmmkay, I'm gonna be like totally intellectual and post three poems I recently came across which i think are really really incredibly cool. probably violating some copyright stuff and all, but still. sue me.

Poetry is good, make love not war, peeps. Enjoy

---

Fire and Ice  - Robert Frost

 

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

---

 

I, Too, Sing America - Langston Hughes

 

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.

They send me to eat in the kitchen

When company comes,

But I laugh,

And eat well,

And grow strong.

Tomorrow,

I'll be at the table

When company comes.

Nobody'll dare

Say to me,

"Eat in the kitchen,"

Then.

Besides,

They'll see how beautiful I am

And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

---

 

'Fires' - Joseph Campbell

 

The little fires that Nature lights --

The scilla's lamp, the daffodil --

She quenches, when of stormy nights

Her anger whips the hill.

 

The fires she lifts against the cloud --

The irised bow, the burning tree --

She batters down with curses loud,

Nor cares that death should be.

 

The fire she kindles in the soul --

The poet's mood, the rebel's thought --

She cannot master, for their coal

In other mines is wrought.

---

The economics of envy and not-minding-yer-own-business

Ok ok i have been reading way lots news... and some shit blog was featured in the newspaper this week. Seriously - why do shit blogs get featured, and this one, which is like WAY the best doesn't? Okay, that's besides the point... the point is, that this newspaper was featuring blog comments on Oprah's new academy for girls in South Africa.

Apparently Oprah is putting in hella money to provide a world class, super duper academy, for 150 girls who have leadership potential. Like millions of dollars. so, miss blog commentator writes something along the lines of...
"Why can't Oprah spend a little less and actually help much more than 150 girls? And why only the girls in South Africa? There are deserving girls in America too... Surely she could have shared the money between both places."

Ok, miss thang... I have two words for you... HER MONEY.

Actually I have more words for you... basically, Oprah's made a stackload of cash. You haven't. Therefore, when Oprah wants to spend her money, she can choose to do so on a one-legged, overfed pig living in a ghetto in New Caledonia, for all you should care. Because it's HER MONEY, and she can do what she want. When you spend your money on an extra pack of smokes, or a double chocolate pie from Mr Happy Pie, then I assure you... Oprah will offer you the same courtesy of NOT COMMENTING.

Never mind the fact that it actually makes a whole lot of sense to invest in real talent in a country as well as spreading the margarine thinly over a whole bunch. Which a number of agencies already do. Where do I apply?

old mcdonald had a farm...

okay this made me laugh so much... i'm in india and was reading the newspaper... and this long time animal rights activist has written a long column on the rights of cows. you may or may not know... but the slaughter of cows is actually illegal in india, but surprise surprise, it does still go on. so, ms. bovinerights is outraged... how can we allow the illegal slaughter of poor little cowlets to continue??? don't we know what harm this causes?

which is all fine and dandy... until i got to the REASONS she offers for this practice being so bad...

1. each cow provides invaluable farming resource... we'd have to spend so much money on tractors to replace them!

2. each cow generates lots of energy (ummm uh-huh...) which means we'd have to drain more fossil fuels if we got rid of the cows...

3. cows produce so much milk... if we didn't have milk, we'd drink more water, which is a scarce resource!!!

and my personal favourite...

4. if we keep killing cows at this rate... in ten years, INDIA WILL HAVE NO COWS LEFT!!!

oh, it's just priceless... someone has obviously not done their research. because, major newsflash... cows are domestic animals, babe... they breed in captivity... they're actually FARMED whether you like it or not... hardly a species on the brink of extinction.

will someone please think about the poor endangered sheep, that's what i ask!